Enter the Night

The night is quiet. Peaceful. Soothing. It’s 2:35am right now and I should be sleeping, but my brain is just too wired up. So, here I am… and it is good. No planes in the air now, no traffic on the boulevard, no sirens… Just peace and quiet.

I don’t mind being awake. I have some time off of work, so I’m enjoying myself. I sleep when I need to, get up when I want to, and do with my time whatever I want to do. The proverbial cat is away, so I’m using this time to relax and just be. It’s wonderful to just be for awhile, especially after the crazy month I’ve had. A month that has included a massive, total overhaul at my work, and a very challenging client.

When the night is quiet like this, I can hear myself think. It might sound dumb, but I believe that being able to do that every now and again is important to one’s overall health and well-being. I feel that when life gets so busy and so hectic that we stop being able to hear ourselves think, we lose ourselves. So, I strive to appreciate those moments in time when I can hear myself.

The summer is slowly coming to a close. I can smell the changes in the air, and I’m starting to see leaves changing color. We’ve had a very hot, very dry summer so far; the ground is dry and cracking, many lawns are brown and either dead or dying despite being watered when it’s been safe to do so… But the nights are getting a little cooler and we’re reaching dew-point sooner, so at least the ground is getting some moisture. Perhaps the arrival of fall will get things more into balance.

That’s all I have to say.

Lost Time

The past two weeks have been very busy. Another busy week is about to begin. I’m under the gun to give something of a miracle to a rather challenging client in a very short amount of time.  Ah, time. How little of it we always seem to have…

Right now, I am taking time just for me. I have to. Self-care is important to one’s mental and physical health and well-being. I think we don’t do that for ourselves anywhere near as often as we should – if, that is, we do it at all. We live in a time where there isn’t any time for relaxing. We’re always doing something; we’re always rushing here and there. Our dance cards [to coin a phrase] are so full all the time that we don’t even have time to sleep, never mind get any real rest. And our lives are lived this way every single day. No wonder it’s such a shock when we wake up one day, look in the mirror, and suddenly realize that not only did we get older – seemingly, overnight – but we didn’t do any of the things we planned to do. Where did the time go?

The older we get, the faster time moves. This is a documented, scientific fact. So it’s important to make the most of the time we have. To do more of what we enjoy and less of what we don’t. To live for ourselves, and slave less for the profit and benefit of others. To really experience life in all its fullness instead of looking out the window and seeing it pass us by.

But, these are just my opinions and thoughts. They mean nothing to anyone but me. And on that note, I’m off to start my day.

Crazy Train

It’s been awhile. It’s 3:41am and sleep is eluding me. But, I suppose it’s par for the course when there’s a lot of stress going on that has to be managed and dealt with. We’ve been pretty busy these past few weeks dealing with all kinds of temporary but impacting changes. R will be getting a break from it all very soon, but I won’t.

The night is a pleasant 11ºC and, until a few minutes ago, it was mostly quiet. Then, I heard a plane taking off. The bombardment of sound will soon begin, signaling the start of another day. So much for peace and quiet.

I find myself feeling a mixture of emotions right now. Anger and hopefulness, frustration and calmness, defeat and determination, resignation and strength, fear and excitement, nervousness and anticipation…. So many emotions all wrapped up into a giant knot and giving me a tension headache that’s bordering on becoming a full-blown migraine. I’m trying to calm myself; to center myself and remind myself that I can only control my own decisions and actions. But it’s not helping. There’s just too much stress for me to concentrate. My thoughts are racing around in my head about everything, and my brain just won’t power down long enough for me to get any rest.

Oh well. This is life on the crazy train. Maybe once the day gets started things will sort themselves out on their own. All I can do is hope…