Crazy Train


It’s been awhile. It’s 3:41am and sleep is eluding me. But, I suppose it’s par for the course when there’s a lot of stress going on that has to be managed and dealt with. We’ve been pretty busy these past few weeks dealing with all kinds of temporary but impacting changes. R will be getting a break from it all very soon, but I won’t.

The night is a pleasant 11ºC and, until a few minutes ago, it was mostly quiet. Then, I heard a plane taking off. The bombardment of sound will soon begin, signaling the start of another day. So much for peace and quiet.

I find myself feeling a mixture of emotions right now. Anger and hopefulness, frustration and calmness, defeat and determination, resignation and strength, fear and excitement, nervousness and anticipation…. So many emotions all wrapped up into a giant knot and giving me a tension headache that’s bordering on becoming a full-blown migraine. I’m trying to calm myself; to center myself and remind myself that I can only control my own decisions and actions. But it’s not helping. There’s just too much stress for me to concentrate. My thoughts are racing around in my head about everything, and my brain just won’t power down long enough for me to get any rest.

Oh well. This is life on the crazy train. Maybe once the day gets started things will sort themselves out on their own. All I can do is hope…

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